


That's not how you do it!

by DigitalMess90



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor is So Done (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie is a bad devil, Demon Deals, Fluff and Humor, Other, Revenge, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27453295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalMess90/pseuds/DigitalMess90
Summary: Charlie wants to find out what all the fuss is about tempting humans and convinces Alastor to try it one time, she's not very good.A short little one-shot
Relationships: Alastor/Charlie Magne
Comments: 18
Kudos: 87





	That's not how you do it!

A man with bloodshot eyes, nine O’clock shadow and not much left to lose stood staring at the bedroom mirror of the crappy motel he found himself in, everything had gone wrong since he found his wife in bed with that… that… he cursed he ever called him a friend, he was betrayed hurt and thinking that after a few glasses of whiskey perhaps he would be ready to see what was at the end of that long length or rope hanging on the ceiling. 

He hated them, both the woman he had loved and the man he had called friend, and he wished dearly he was strong enough to fight back, to vent out this frustrated pain.

“I’d sell my soul for revenge…” It was a quiet muttering as he turned to face away from the mirror and think about maybe putting something else on rather than just his white sleeveless vest and his y-fronts. Not that he wanted to, but it was just the liquor store wouldn’t serve him otherwise. Grumbling he bent down and tried to hold the nauseousness at bay as he picked up his shirt. A tap, tap, tapping made the man furrow his brow, probably a crow or something outside knocking a snail against the wall, least he wasn’t hungover… yet. The tapping continued and shuffling over and opening the blinds revealed nothing, no startled bird flying off, no punk-ass kids throwing stones. 

Turning around he almost had a heart attack when he saw a pale blonde in the mirror with long golden hair and rosy red cheeks. Eyes spinning frantically he glanced over and whoever she was, she wasn’t in his small room, just the mirror. Deciding he had finally lost it he moved cautiously over. The woman smiled quite cheerfully at him, clearly a figment of his imagination in his last few hours of sanity. She opened her mouth to speak.

“Hi!... oh wow… do I sound like that? Hell-oooo?” She frowned before turning her head and speaking to someone else that was apparently also in the room but not in line of sight.

“Al, why do I sound like I’ve got my head in a fishbowl?... … What do you mean I have to break the glass!? Al! That’s nine years bad luck!” A sudden red suited arm slapped the woman hard on the back and she went stumbling forward and slammed straight into the glass before shattering it and tumbling onto the floor with an, 

“Ow…” Picking herself up she dusted off before taking a confident step forward and raising her hand with a smile.

“Hi! I’m Charlie, princess of hell! Nice to meet you.” He stood there dumbfounded, even he didn’t figure his imagination would be so wild in keeping his company as he descended into lunacy. Black trousers and matching suspenders, a white work shirt and her very strange nose and black lips, she looked not quite human and yet… something else?

“Great… I’m losing my mind.” Charlie suddenly giggled.

“Well, I’m sure you’d hate your parents if they called you ‘losing your mind’... what’s your name?” He stared for a good long moment before deciding that he should probably just go along with it, maybe he would start hallucinating and walk in traffic, what a way to go.

“I’m Ben.” He told the creature that had been dredged forward from his brain. Charlie smiled.

“Well Ben, it's your lucky day… I’m here to… here… to…” She paused, took a deep breath and snapped her fingers. 

“Shoot! I almost had it!” quickly rummaging her hands inside her pockets black fingernails quickly pulled out a small stack of cards, Charlie frantically shuffled them around before putting them into some sort of order, clearing her throat Charlie started speaking, her eyes almost cross-eyed as she stared at the small card in hand.

“Hello! Mortal, I come with the answers you seek, my name is… wait I already did this bit…” Charlie quickly shuffled to the next card and started skim reading quickly.

“Princess of hell… yadda yadda yadda, what’s your name… blah blah blah… Oh! Here we are! *AHEM* I wield powers beyond anything in the living world and I can grant you anything your heart desires! What brings you to offer your soul?” She suddenly looked up to stare at Ben as he watched Charlie’s antics with a slack jaw.

“Maybe there’s carbon monoxide leak in the air con…” He sat on the edge of his bed and took a deep breath, not feeling woozy he glanced back up at Charlie who didn’t seem to know what to do so looked back down at the card.

“What brings you to offer your soul… please?” She tried again. Ben sighed hard, might as well just keep going, not like he was going to get any less crazy.

“My wife’s a bitch who cheated on me and my friend betrayed me! I want them to suffer.” Charlie blinked as if taken aback before returning to her stack of cards.

“Let’s see here… L, L L… lies, no. literature? Nope… L-Lemons? Why is there a section on lemons in here for… who the hell steals lemons? Love! Here we go, not unrequited… jilted? Maybe… ah yes here we go! *AHEM* for the price of your mortal soul I will curse those that have wronged you, they will suffer a miserable existence or a painful and crippling end!... well that doesn’t sound very healthy…” Charlie frowned again but Ben let out a dry laugh.

“Heh… if you were real I’d give you anything if it meant those two would get what was coming to them… soul, my life… whatever! I don’t have anything left.” Charlie flicked through her cards before sighed and putting them away, moving up she stood just in front of the man.

“Hey now… that’s no way to think, I’m sure you’ve got loads going for you.” Ben sighed.

“No… I’m thirty, in a dead end job that I only put up with to keep my wife happy, I got no friends and no place to go. My wife was the only good thing I had!” Charlie reached over and placed a hand on his shoulder as she sat down next to him.

“I know it seems that way but, look… you can make a fresh start. Thirty isn’t old! In fact a lot of people start again way before then. I know relationships seem like everything, but they’re not you can do fine by yourself! If you don’t like the job you’re in, why not get a better one?” 

“It’s not that easy!” Charlie nudged him with her elbow.

“Not with that attitude, come on, what job have you always wanted?”

“Always wanted to be an architect, but I d-” Charlie had already moved away and grabbed Ben’s phone, unlocking it and tapping away. 

“Now look here! There're nighttime classes available for architectural engineers right here! That’s just a short distance away, and I know it sucks but you could look for a new job or… just stick out your current one whilst you do the classes, and you’ll be surprised I bet there are tons of people who would love to be your friends there, you know? People who want the same thing you do! To make themselves better, and if you cut out the alcohol and drink water, not only will it make you feel better it will also help pay for the classes to! How cool is that, getting clean and giving you a future!” There was a lurching crashing noise as a frantic and well-dressed man in a red suit pulled himself out of the mirror.

“CHARLIE WHAT IN YOUR FATHERS NAME ARE YOU DOING!?” Charlie blinked in surprise.

“Al? I thought you were letting me do this one by myself.” Alastor cleaned himself up and quickly moved to stand between the shattered mirror and Charlie.

“You were supposed to follow the cards I gave you!” Charlie shrugged.

“They seemed a little mean… so I improvised!” She beamed at him. Alastor groaned and his shadow slapped a hand to its face, the radio demon cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry my good fellow, my companion here is just starting to learn how I work, now… why don’t we talk about all the ways those who wronged you can suffer?” Ben stood up and glanced between Alastor and Charlie.

“No… No, she’s right! I should just move on a start again! I’m going to get clean… I’m going to start again. Thank you, Charlie! I’m going to get showered off and then I’m going straight down to enrol for those night classes! Thank you!” Charlie smile could have lit up the room.

“You are so welcome!” Ben left and went straight into the bathroom the sound of the shower being turned on filled the room as Charlie turned back to Alastor.

“I can see why you do it… it's very fulfilling isn’t it! Helping out souls… I wouldn’t mind doing another one.” Alastor’s eye twitched… there goes another one… hopeful and at peace.

“You know Charlie? I actually think I have another appointment to get to… maybe some other time.”


End file.
